Raining Inside : October 10, 2007

The cold rides the wind as jockey does a racehorse. Bitter iciness touches the innermost parts of the body and creeps into your lungs. Each raindrop is a frigid lick upon the skin. From my lone window the lake appears to be in turmoil. The water thrashes about as would a drunkard. A familiar aura seems to preceed this orchestra of dreariness. A feeling as if somehow it resembles my inner being , that somewhere inside I have the same cold storm creeping about. To say that we as the human race do not resemble nature would be a falsehood of incomprehensible ignorance.

- Murderotika III ( Rayfield Benton)

PSA #1

Just to let you readers know the photos you see are ones I have taken myself. I'm an amateur photographer and I want to eventually do some professional photography so just check them out and tell me what you think.

Back from the dark side of the moon

Well Im back from Turkey and for reason i cant help but feel different . Everything feels weird when i come back you know. Life feels strange over here I know it sounds weird but everything here feels foreign. I must when i came back within myself i also feel really weird. Its not that type of unfamiliar type of weirdness but that kind of mishaped and misplaced type of strangeness. Mentally I feel exhausted and I know that all these side effects make it seem like I didnt enjoy the trip , but really in all actually I did its just the strangeness of returning that is strange and all. But anyways Im back in one piece and thats good enough.

Just a thought....

While im over here I have noticed many beneficial things that could enhance my living in the U.S..Their eating habits I have noticed are very healthy ( fruits, vegetables etc.). Also their hospitality here can be a universal tool for peace... they hold the door for one another , constantly are trying to be courteous , and also hold their religious beliefs with the upmost esteem( now im not saying theyre perfect or anything but I must say they seem alot happier this way). I dont know why know ppl say America is an ideal place lol I think my ideals of it being a sad place could be true after all. But what do I know ^_^

Home? Just Maybe......

The other day I visited the Black Sea , it has beautiful beaches and the towns built on its coasts are beautiful also. But while there I had an experience that I feared yet loved, while standing on the beach toes in the sand , sea breeze blowing fresh smelling water , and waves serenly caressing the sand. As you all know I like to be aware of my surroundings so my sense were on full throtle that day and i just happened to notice the sand being swept away from under my feet and I realized that every time i went to stumble from losing my balance that the wave would come back again and push more sand under my feet . I realized while looking out at the Ocean at that very moment that this funny feeling in my stomach was once something I felt back in Ohio ,it was the feeling of Home. I was amazed that in a totally foreign country , way apart from everything I love I find a place I would make my home , alone and serene forever more. I FELT THE LAND CHURN MY HEART TO BUTTER AND I FELT MY SELF SPREAD ACROSS THE LAND. I was taking in the real essence of a home.

INFERNO

Oh dear lord I swear the heat here is painful its about 104 degrees rigth now with no AC and no Fans. Its funny though because the family im with seem to be fine , and me on the other hand well im melting ... I mean I wake up and its like 95 already and its only ten in the morning and im like drenched with sweat( gross... I know). You can always spot a foreigner in the middeleast because theyre always the ones who look bewildered by the weather or they just have a different skin color ( hint hint). This heat is draining me .... and I have to take these vitamin pills for energy to keep up. I think this will be the only place on Earth where I fear the sun. In istanbul the sun reigns king , a virtually unstoppable mass of heat that loooms in the air grinning at me with that sinister orange red glow. I see now why some cultures worshipped the sun , its such a strong and overwhelming prescence , but still not enough to make me worship it ( call me stubborn). Not a single article of clothing i put on can help this torture. For example right now im wearing a white t shirt and shorts and im still dying of heat... and we all know that in America that would do us just fine most of the time. This isnt America.... this isnt the middleast ... this dear readers this... is the INFERNO >_<

These Brands own Turkey

Man I noticed today that everyone or almost everyone is wearing chuck taylor's kinda like how almost every black kid where air forces( not I)..... but anyways just like in America how air forces are popular and cost about 100 dollars , its the same thing for chuck taylors over here. Strangely back in America chuck taylors are cheap . But now that they're expensive over here im kinda upset because i want a pair so bad ( since i love chuck taylors alot) they have tons of new colors that I swear I havent seen in the U.S., and they look so cool. ^_^

I also noticed that LG has lots of markets in Turkey including AC ( wow) , Phillips is big here also and I havent seen an Ipod yet lol. Everything I can get cheap in the U.S. costs more here including a playstation two ( $369!!!!!).Also Coke is huge here , i mean like consumed at every meal huge, its bizaar( ^_^). Of course as we all expected Microsoft is prominent and did i mention that their windows xp runs and looks like vista or somethin linux like . BMW , Mercedes Benz , Honda , and Isuzu are among the very run of the mill cars which is very funny considering that in America a Benz is a luxury car.

Oh well what can I say im in a different country right? lol

Istanbul( the jigsaw of all jigsaw puzzles)

Well as most of you knew I said i was going to Istanbul for three weeks .... well Im here now. I must say of all the fun yet strange experiences Ive had this has to be the strangest . Everything is so different ; housing arrangements , driving rules , traditional eating customs , customs ( airport) , cars , and architechture. But overall its very fun, well the driving is a tad bit to much for my heart to handle but i'll manage my translation book is my best friend of all given the language differences between us. But overall if your smart and can read people easily then you'll be ok , if not well then theres a long road ahead of you . The culture shock isnt bad if your interested in new things and adapt fast. But if you dont well....... you know the deal. But anyways my host family are very nice people , but I must say that outside of them well everybody seems to stare at me , I dont maybe its cause Im black or maybe cause im a tourist I dont know...... anways I feel sort of like a museum exhibit lol but its fun anyways. Though it would be nice to know why they are staring. But I digress , so.... the first day here, which is today, i went to an Iceskating rink with tahal and the others ( I dint skate though those Blades make me nervous ^_^ and we're supposed to go to a hockey game today which sounds very fun if i say so myself. Well readers thats all for my day so far ( its 3:40 pm here and probably around nine o'lock your time , okay well hoşça kal ( goodbye my dear frıends)^_^

Kaos ,Chaos , and Ka +os

To be Chaotic .... to return to a state in which true freedom resides... most of us, when we think about Chaos*, think of riots , molotov cocktails( yeah!) , and revolution.. but really if the BIBLE proves to be true than Chaos was nature ( no... not even nature) ..umm the mixture of elements without seperation: fire with water , night with sky , light with darkness , and land with sea... all these strange combinations( and more!) that we have know as humans to have been polar opposites would be mixed in a combination that doesnt exist in the world we have today. So the question is .. can true Chaos exist ... and sadly, though I am an anarchist and I do push for freedom of mind and body, we as humans cannot exist in this true form of Chaos because the true form of Chaos can't exist with us in the picture .We are the variable that henders Chaos, because for every human who wants "non-uniform" societies there are 10 people who want a uniform society and sadly we all that the later type of people win. So next someone says "Lets make some Chaos!" .. say ok let's convince humanity to kill themselves off first.
* note that I capitalize Chaos to show my belief that instead of a inproper noun it is a proper noun .. since Chaos really in all actuality is a being, not a state of being.

-Just another sad truth(hopefully) from the voice of reason and reality,
Devastationery :)

POSITRONIC THEOLOGY

I must say that of all the wants in the world none would be stranger or greater than positronic(Isaac Asimov) theology .. better yet the machines want for a belief system or a deity. None would be more interesting( well maybe some things) .... though this may be just a wishful dream considering that none of our machines(so far) have achieved full consciousness ( morals , beliefs , etc). So my overall fascination is what it would be like to live in a world in which our servants ,our grunts of the world ,achieve what helps most of us humans deal with the troubles of life. But what does a machine need the escapism of religion for .. what do they need the good warm feeling of avoiding "Eternal Damnation" for ,when they cant be damned because they dont have a soul............. or do they . Oh.. I remeber now i left one important thing out of this conversation.. "The Ghost In the Machine" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_machine )... if machines can posess this along with the advanced knowledge and capabilities we already possess i believe it would eb a sight to see. But thats just wishful thinking ; ) ^_^

The SS

Hmm... today has been a good day so far , though i must say this paper I am writing on Hyperreality is quite a strain on my time . But i guess it's worth it considering the significance of the topic. Anyways ,I have had much inspiration lately for some art pieces ... sad to say I don't possess the supplies at my home for some of them( sigh..). I'm way to busy putting out money for my trip to Istanbul which I can definately say i'm a tad bit nervous about , but worrying never accomplishes anything so I'll trust that I'll be okay. I'm very excited about The Warped tour coming up in August ... i always seem to get good story ideas there( why? I have no clue.) I might even try to get some more gadgets over the summer , maybe an external hardrive or something. Sadly , no matter what i do to have fun this summer It won't be the same without my brother/best friend Keven , we've been best friends for about 3yrs and now he has to leave because of his mothers marriage and some other very depressing circumstances. I'm going to miss him alot but I hope to see him again some day and I'll make sure I don't forget him.So yeah that is my summer summary(SS) for today

The just of things( a poem of sorts)

Babies are born ...wars begin and end...men die at the hands of their own brothers...people lose their minds...others gain wisdom...some make films...others make love...bombs are dropped...lies are told...God is denied...gays are treated like animals...Revolutions start...but never finish...more babies are born...more love made...people lose reality and gain false minds...others gain wisdom that is far from the truth...politicians masquerade...education creates "great citizens"...and real knowledge creates "psychos"...nukes are dropped...population drops... nomore babies come forth...and love is now virtual wild sex...politicians are all dead...the mind is no longer a mystery...the "Ghost in the Machine" is seen everywhere...neutron bombs drop...................silence. This is just the way it goes.